A Portuguese living in GLASGOW and a list of lessons
Hey hey! It has been ONE YEAR living in GLASGOW. Where does the time go?!
Here is a list of what it has taught me:
1 – There is no such thing as “couple of drinks”
2 – And “I only had a few drinks”, means you had 8!
3 – My heart is terrified of a deep fried Mars bar.
4 – Everybody loves beer, but no one really likes Tennent’s lager.
5 – Blootered, hammered, steamin’, plastered and just plain pished… all these words mean “drunk”.
6 – The winter lasts 355 days of the year.
7 – Off those 355, 15 days you don’t drive: you slide your car from home/work/home.
8 – It can snow in 14ºC.
9 – At 15ºC everybody has “taps aff”.
10 – Supermarkets can be open 24h and from 9pm people go shopping in their pajamas.
11 – Rangers fans can be scary.
12 – Celtic fans become very passionate about Jorge Cadete when I tell them I’m portuguese.
13 – On a day of a football match between these two, the numbers of A&E attendances increase substantially.
14 – Everybody has been to Portugal once, but all they visit was Albufeira and they loved it.
15 – Dinner is served anytime from 16h30.
16 – I love haggis. I don’t want to know what there is in it.
17 – Irn Bru is more popular than Coca-cola. It also is the Glaswegian cure for hangover.
18 – It is true!!! Men in kilt don’t wear anything underneath.
19 – The word “wee” means small and it is used in every sentence, sometimes more then once: “I had a wee shower and had a wee cup of tea after. I bought a wee dress. Would you like a wee sandwich? …”
20 – “Aye” means yes.
21 – I made a good progression in understanding Glaswegian, however I still get lost in jokes and I only understand 40% of what a drunk Glaswegian says.
22 – You can be called “pal” and “mate” which means friend. But that doesn’t mean they are your friends.
23 – In some neighborhoods you can be stabbed by your pal.
24 – You can be called all sort of sweet words by your patients “I’m feeling better pet.”
25 – Or the guy you bumped in the supermarket: “I’m sorry Doll”
26 – Or the old lady you helped to pick up her gloves: “Thank you so much Hen”
27 – There is always someone who talks loud to himself on the bus.
28 – And there is always someone who is too high to sit still on the subway.
29 – Glaswegian are the most kind people.
30 – When someone from Glasgow is hurt. Glaswegian stick together.
31 – And people make Glasgow.
32 – Apart from the Glaswegian definition of summer, I love living here. ♥